Dancing for an audience of “One”
Providing Teens and Their Families an Opportunity For Recovery
Dancing for an audience of “One”
Research has shown that female students attain higher academic goals in an all girls school. Girls that attend all girls schools are more likely to go to college and complete a four year degree. They are more likely to choose majors in the fields of engineering and science, compared to women coming out of co-ed schools.
Some may say that in all girl schools there is no opportunity to gain social skills dealing with boys. A student coming to us, however, is at least 12 years old and has been in a co-ed educational system for at least 6 to 7 years already.
Research has also shown that girls were less likely to raise their hands for help or to answer questions in math and science when boys were in the classroom. Girls have an opportunity to be themselves and learn in a less socially restrictive environment.
Teenage girls need safe, creative school setting to excel academically and to achieve their goals. Arcadia Girls Academy provides that opportunity and so much more for teens who are dealing with so much in today’s culture.
Some may say that in all girl schools there is no opportunity to gain social skills dealing with boys. A student coming to us, however, is at least 12 years old and has been in a co-ed educational system for at least 6 to 7 years already.
Research has also shown that girls were less likely to raise their hands for help or to answer questions in math and science when boys were in the classroom. Girls have an opportunity to be themselves and learn in a less socially restrictive environment.
Teenage girls need safe, creative school setting to excel academically and to achieve their goals. Arcadia Girls Academy provides that opportunity and so much more for teens who are dealing with so much in today’s culture.
Benefits of an All Girls School
Parental Beliefs:
Beliefs are an important part of life. They give us direction, meaning, stability, and hope, among other things. Parents have beliefs about their roles as parents, about what they think is best for their children, and how they want their children to turn out. Some beliefs are good. They’re healthy. Others are unrealistic and unhealthy. Some parents believe they own or possess their children. They see a child as something to be molded and formed in their hand. Too often, what they have tried to instill in their child is the parent’s needs, feelings, beliefs, and standards are what matters in life. It’s as though the parents are looking for replicas or clones of themselves. A child is not a possession to keep, but a loan of life. Ties that bind like those described above have caused children to rebel in dramatic ways, severing themselves from any contact with home just in order to survive. Some parents believe their adult children are accountable to them. It’s difficult to let loose the reigns of accountability after all the years of guiding supporting, and raising them according to the way we thought they should be raised.
Some parents believe their children owe them (the parents) loyalty and thanks for all they’ve done. There is nothing wrong with hoping for appreciation. And they may give it, though perhaps not in the way or quantity that you hope for. Even if they don’t, you can handle it. Sure, it’s disappointing. It hurts. But remember the joy you received in giving those things. Let that be your satisfaction. Otherwise, you’re letting what your child isn’t doing determine you joy and happiness.
Some parents believe they will always have a close family. How will you handle it if your adult child doesn’t live up to your expectations? Whether or not a child is a prodigal, he/she probably won’t call or visit as much as you’d like. Some parents believe their offspring will always live by the parent’s values system. Children will-and need to-sort out their own beliefs and values. They need to be doing this all through their growing-up years in order to make their beliefs their own. If not, they will be vulnerable to many other influences.
Hanging On:
It’s difficult to let go of your child. It’s a loss-there is no better word to describe it. Even if they are leaving for good things-going off to college, getting married-they are still leaving and it hurts. And besides the pain of loss, relinquishing our children carries with it so many other implications. It could mean the end of your identity as a parent. Their leaving opens a hole in your life, and unless it’s filled by new roles, it will become a constant companion.
What if your child is a prodigal? You may hear something besides “good-bye”-“I don’t want or need the values that you tried to tech me.” That hurts even more.
It could mean you have little or no control over your child anymore (did we ever have as much as we thought we did?)
Revisiting the Roles:
The Pleaser. Putting others first and sacrificing for them may not seem to be very harmful, but it is. It obligates others and generates guilt. It shelters children from reality and retards their growth. Some parents continue to respond like this to gain their childrens approval as well as their compliance. It’s not a healthy way to live for either the parent or shild.
The Rescuer. Many children know just how to work their parents in order to be rescued. All they have to do is ask, and the parents cover the bills. It isn’t the duty of the parents to be the “bail bondsman” for their children. In fact, by rescuing our children from their problems, it could be that we are interfering with what God wants to accomplish.
The Martyr. Martyrs focus more on themselves than on what their children are experiencing. “After all I did……” “How could you do this to me?” are phrases martyrs often use, often within earshot of the child. The purpose of these remarks is to control the child.
Relinquishing Our Kids:
There is a better way than control. It’s called relinquishment and detatchment. The word relinquishment means to surrender a right, to put something aside , or to loosen one’s hold on something or someone.
Is relinquishment abandonment? No. Relinquishment is giving someone up, whereas abandonment is giving up on someone.
When you relinquish your child, you stop taking responsibility for her/him, but you still feel responsibilities to her/him.
When you relinquish your child, you’re relying more upon God and less on what your child does or doesn’t do.
When you relinquish your child, you’re freed from your emotional rollercoaster ride, since your feelings are no longer dependent on your child’s response.
When you relinquish your child, you give her the freedom to respond to God rather than your pushing.
When you relinquish your child, you’re able to see that you are not responsible for her/his choices-thus, guilt begins to diminish.
Beliefs are an important part of life. They give us direction, meaning, stability, and hope, among other things. Parents have beliefs about their roles as parents, about what they think is best for their children, and how they want their children to turn out. Some beliefs are good. They’re healthy. Others are unrealistic and unhealthy. Some parents believe they own or possess their children. They see a child as something to be molded and formed in their hand. Too often, what they have tried to instill in their child is the parent’s needs, feelings, beliefs, and standards are what matters in life. It’s as though the parents are looking for replicas or clones of themselves. A child is not a possession to keep, but a loan of life. Ties that bind like those described above have caused children to rebel in dramatic ways, severing themselves from any contact with home just in order to survive. Some parents believe their adult children are accountable to them. It’s difficult to let loose the reigns of accountability after all the years of guiding supporting, and raising them according to the way we thought they should be raised.
Some parents believe their children owe them (the parents) loyalty and thanks for all they’ve done. There is nothing wrong with hoping for appreciation. And they may give it, though perhaps not in the way or quantity that you hope for. Even if they don’t, you can handle it. Sure, it’s disappointing. It hurts. But remember the joy you received in giving those things. Let that be your satisfaction. Otherwise, you’re letting what your child isn’t doing determine you joy and happiness.
Some parents believe they will always have a close family. How will you handle it if your adult child doesn’t live up to your expectations? Whether or not a child is a prodigal, he/she probably won’t call or visit as much as you’d like. Some parents believe their offspring will always live by the parent’s values system. Children will-and need to-sort out their own beliefs and values. They need to be doing this all through their growing-up years in order to make their beliefs their own. If not, they will be vulnerable to many other influences.
Hanging On:
It’s difficult to let go of your child. It’s a loss-there is no better word to describe it. Even if they are leaving for good things-going off to college, getting married-they are still leaving and it hurts. And besides the pain of loss, relinquishing our children carries with it so many other implications. It could mean the end of your identity as a parent. Their leaving opens a hole in your life, and unless it’s filled by new roles, it will become a constant companion.
What if your child is a prodigal? You may hear something besides “good-bye”-“I don’t want or need the values that you tried to tech me.” That hurts even more.
It could mean you have little or no control over your child anymore (did we ever have as much as we thought we did?)
Revisiting the Roles:
The Pleaser. Putting others first and sacrificing for them may not seem to be very harmful, but it is. It obligates others and generates guilt. It shelters children from reality and retards their growth. Some parents continue to respond like this to gain their childrens approval as well as their compliance. It’s not a healthy way to live for either the parent or shild.
The Rescuer. Many children know just how to work their parents in order to be rescued. All they have to do is ask, and the parents cover the bills. It isn’t the duty of the parents to be the “bail bondsman” for their children. In fact, by rescuing our children from their problems, it could be that we are interfering with what God wants to accomplish.
The Martyr. Martyrs focus more on themselves than on what their children are experiencing. “After all I did……” “How could you do this to me?” are phrases martyrs often use, often within earshot of the child. The purpose of these remarks is to control the child.
Relinquishing Our Kids:
There is a better way than control. It’s called relinquishment and detatchment. The word relinquishment means to surrender a right, to put something aside , or to loosen one’s hold on something or someone.
Is relinquishment abandonment? No. Relinquishment is giving someone up, whereas abandonment is giving up on someone.
When you relinquish your child, you stop taking responsibility for her/him, but you still feel responsibilities to her/him.
When you relinquish your child, you’re relying more upon God and less on what your child does or doesn’t do.
When you relinquish your child, you’re freed from your emotional rollercoaster ride, since your feelings are no longer dependent on your child’s response.
When you relinquish your child, you give her the freedom to respond to God rather than your pushing.
When you relinquish your child, you’re able to see that you are not responsible for her/his choices-thus, guilt begins to diminish.
Have you Released Your Child :
(An excerpt from the book: Loving a Prodigal by H. Norman Wright)
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, It’s the realization that I can’t control another. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more!
- Author Unknown
- Author Unknown
Letting Go